Heaven is

• a two hour plane ride direct to Winnipeg from Rankin
• Wired magazine's May issue - guest edited by JJ Abrams of Lost fame
• Fried calamari and a green apple martini
• A new haircut and color that make me feel pretty again

I love travel.

Hammer-time!

Nothing makes me laugh more than a MC HAMMER slide.




Oh baby. I'm sooooo doing the MC Hammer Slide allll the way around Toronto this week. Did I mention I'm going to Toronto? Yes. Yes. I did.

I'm going for union training (talk about fun timing, downsizing anyone?) but have many excursions planned with one of the condiments including a Jay's game and Medevial Times. It will be a gong show, and I can't wait. And I leave tomorrow.

See y'all on the flipside, suckas!

The placating smile

So I've gotten really good at an invaluable skill lately; one I call "the placating smile."

You see, sometimes people bug me. Generally, I'm okay. Generally I don't let people get to me. Actually, if we're speaking generally, GENERALLY I'm actually pretty fond of people. I like people-company. But normal people can be hard to come by in Rankin Inlet. There's this theory I have that the people who come here (here, as in the north) are either being pushed or pulled north. Often running away from something else. It's not an iron-clad theory. But it explains some of the whackos we have (probably myself included).

Seeing as "normals" are getting hard to come by, and I'm tired of being crotchety, I've developed "placating smile" to help defend me against the nutsoid masses.

It's a great response to "HOLY CRAP YOU LOOK TIRED" (um, no, I feel fine, but thanks for saying I look like shit) and "Do THIS totally unnecessary busy-work chore."

So next time a dingbat asks you to do something they think is PARAMOUNT, just raise your eyebrows and make your eyes medium-wide (think: a "really?" expression), and give the sweetest little half-smile. Then blink your eyes a couple times, like their request is taking some time to process.

That mix of disdain and innocent sweetness is enough to convince the eejit that you have heard their request/comment, and processed it. But also lets you snarkily but silently tell them you think it's dumb/rude.

Try it out.

Before I trademark it, yo.

Good for a laugh

So I was doing something disgustingly nerdy Friday morning (reading random articles from Merlin Mann's website - - seriously, how someone with such a TERRIBLE name can become so well known is freaking beyond me) when I discovered a new blog/website: "5ives"

I don't consider it a blog, because for me, blogs feel just much more personal than this (but maybe that's because I primarily read personal blogs). But that doesn't mean it's not incredibly entertaining.

Premise: random lists of five, anything from "Five Web 2.0 ways to break up with your boyfriend" to "Five terrible fake names for villages in England"

And I think my personal favourite?

Five terrible fake astronomical pickup lines
March 13th, 2008

1. Ever wonder what’s happening under Orion’s belt?
2. Hop in my van, and I’ll show you something else that’s constantly expanding.
3. Was Democritus the first one to postulate your mysterious Milky Way?
4. I’d like to Sagittarius your Pisces, and that’s no Taurus.
5. How about we go outside and discover Uranus?

Another reason to listen to Q

As I think I said back when that whole BBT thing was going down (yes, I'm still making references to it, but it will forever be enshrined in my memory, so deal with it :P) I think I made reference to the fact that I'm not really a "Q"/ Jian Ghomeshi fan.

Not normally anyways.

But we only get 2 hours of national programming in Nunavut during working hours: the last hour of The Current and the first hour of Q. So whether I want to or not, I listen to both shows on a regular basis, because it is piped through our phones and other various hot spots in the office. Which is good, because it lets us know when there's something bad going down (like the other day when our host was being cut off by African drumming every 4 seconds).

So as I think I pointed out, the whole BBT incident gave me newfound respect for JG. I still think he can be slimy and pretentious... and I really really don't like the "reflections" sections of his show (where the music goes all weird and JG provides us with some kind of golden nugget of knowledge he's gleaned over the years as a seasoned entertainment broadcaster).

But. BUT BUT BUT. You will NEVER GUESS who is going to be a guest on the show next week.

THE ONE.

THE OOOONLY.

BOB BARKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes. Seriously. Bob Barker is going to be on Q. I think I'm dying. Dying a happy death, but dying all the same.

See, like many, I've always had a very very special place in my heart reserved for The Price is Right. I'm one of those people who would go up on stage and promptly tell B-squared that I have loyally watched his show for 23-odd years. That I was even watching it through the glowing red of my mother's womb (okay. I dont' really remember what it looked like, but on TV wombs are glow-y red. Okay, on House all interior body parts are glow-y red. And House is king. okay?).

I would look forward to days off from school NOT because of the day off factor, but because I could then sit down with a bowl of KD and watch The Price Is Right. Always KD and TPIR. And if I could convince my sister, we'd play along with these Price is Right templates I made, that I'd force her to fill out with our bids, and actual retail price... and then I'd do the math and determine a "winner" when the show was over.

And when B-squared left TPIR ... it just wasn't the same. Drew Carey bugs me. He's all creepy and now he's growing out his hair so he's not such a nerdy square-head... but instead he just looks like a used car salesman.

But now he's BACK! With a book! And on Q! And I couldn't be more excited, haha.

It's like my own dream showcase. And not a crappy one that has bedroom furniture (as I kid I remember thinking how people really got the short straw when they won dining/living/bed room sets). A good one, with a convertible, a party boat, a full-sized RV and Bob Barker driving.

Wooohoo!

Warm heart

I called my old office in Quebec City this morning... looking for a phone number for a throat singer living there.

And that black-cloud that had settled around me was briefly lifted, and the sun just shone through as my former co-workers yelled cheerful hello's across thousands of miles of telephone wire.

One even saying that he wants to fly me in to play softball with them this summer.

I don't know why I'm blinking back tears as I write this, but it was just so nice to feel... I don't know. Missed? Man that's selfish. I know my friends and family miss me, just like I miss them. But feeling so isolated and alone makes you forget that stuff. And it was a wonderful, beautiful reminder of a really good time in my life. Not always an easy one, but a good one... even if it just lasted 5 months.

So thanks to them. Whether they know I'm thanking them or not.

Wanted: Word detective

So I've not been posting much lately. You all know that. You are the ones who have loyally visited, only to find nothing new.

I don't know what to tell you folks. I can't even really scold myself for being a "bad blogger." It's not that I don't want to write. It's that my words have up and vanished.

Sometimes its just like this blog has grown beyond my comfort zone. Which is a strange phenomenon when you think about it. We spend so much time linking to others, and trying to draw readers to our websites...

But at a certain point it's like this once-pet-project took a life of its own. And now I don't know what to do with it anymore.

It's like I've lost my words and lost my voice. And I don't know where to find them.

Maybe I need a break... and it's a good thing one's coming up I guess. I'll be heading to Toronto next Wednesday for a couple days. I'm there for union training... but luckily I'm staying just about 20 minutes from where one of my best friends lives now. So festivities are planned, and it will be nice to finally be around someone who actually "gets" me.

I've been feeling quite lonely lately, it seems. Lonely and stuck and insecure. And it will be hella nice to be un-stuck, un-lonely and with someone who can basically read my mind. I miss feeling like I belong.

It'll be a nice change.