World's dumbest criminal

So I went to Walmart over the weekend.

Kind of.

You see, I was very "colour me flustered" because I'd spent most of the morning stressing out over passport application issues (seriously, I STILL can't believe that in the country's biggest city where 24-hour services reign, there is really genuinely no one available to take my photo after 10 pm.). To avoid future frustration, and hopefully enjoy the rest of my trip... I decided I would begin to tick off some of the items on my "in Toronto to-do list" over lunch.

First order of business: hit up Walmart. I had noticed a sign for a Walmart as I whizzed by en route to the course training centre, it was less than five minutes away, which was good because I only had an hour off. And these people are STRICT about tardiness (something I'm notorious for, of course).

So as I pulled up, I noticed they had adopted a new sign - the new "softer" side of Walmart. And there were tons of people outside enjoying a charity BBQ. But then I noticed the sign had fine print, specifying that this was not just a Walmart store, it was a Walmart Home Office store.

So I was a little disappointed, but no biggie. I decided I would pick up a new notebook for work, and browse. I heart office-supply stores.

I walked in, and immediately noticed the funny layout, saw a Tim Horton's in to the left, and assumed it was the same idea as the "McDonald's in a Walmart" scheme. I head towards the internal bank of doors, and notice one that was designated specifically for VISITORS.

How nice, I think, for them to have a special door for non-Torontoians. Maybe they have nice greeters there or something.

So I head through the door and come up short. Aka do a faceplant into the door. I step back, look up at the visitor sign, and give it a more tentative push. Hm. The doors appear to be locked. So much for welcoming.

So I gradually come out of my Jackie-centric daze to notice I'm standing beside a security desk.

I turn to him, and give him a trademark winning smile:

JS: Um, where am I?
SG: Walmart
JS: Yah, okay, I get that.
SG: Are you a visitor?
JS: Um, yes, I would like to visit.
SG: Are you here to see someone?
JS: Um, no.
SG: Are you a vendor?
JS: NO. I just saw the sign and came in. I want to visit the store.
SG: Oh! You think this is Walmart??
JS: uuuuhmmm YAH, that's what it says on the sign.
SG: Yes. This is head office. The Walmart head office for Canada.
*cricket, cricket*

Yah, so it turns out I tried to break into the Walmart Canadian Headquarters. And wasn't successful.


But I did learn four things from my misadventures:
Walmart is sneaky
Walmart Home Office does NOT sell "home office" supplies
Walmart is is safe from the World's Dumbest Criminals
The REAL Walmart is in the opposite direction.


Meandering Michael May 6, 2009 at 9:57 AM  


Matthew and Michele May 6, 2009 at 10:52 AM  

LOL. :o)

Matt, Kara, Hunter and Cavan May 6, 2009 at 11:11 AM  

oh my gosh- that is so funny!!

indigo May 6, 2009 at 5:22 PM  

Who knew??

Anonymous May 6, 2009 at 7:45 PM  

Maybe no snow and the Sun was to much for You....

Just kidding LoL

Shanlee May 7, 2009 at 4:35 PM  

I like the *cricket, cricket* - must have been a total ANTM moment!

Fawn May 19, 2009 at 9:57 PM  

Ahahahahah, Jackie! You crack me up!

Jennith June 2, 2009 at 10:40 PM  

Oh.. don't be embarrassed... you just made me laugh my guts out... its a wonderful story... I do hope you made it to the real Walmart...

Jackie S. Quire June 3, 2009 at 6:49 AM  

:) Laugh away, everyone. It's classic "jackie" moment, and its there for your enjoyment :O)

And yes, Jennith, I did make it to the REAL walmart after all, haha.