5/6/09

World's dumbest criminal

So I went to Walmart over the weekend.

Kind of.

You see, I was very "colour me flustered" because I'd spent most of the morning stressing out over passport application issues (seriously, I STILL can't believe that in the country's biggest city where 24-hour services reign, there is really genuinely no one available to take my photo after 10 pm.). To avoid future frustration, and hopefully enjoy the rest of my trip... I decided I would begin to tick off some of the items on my "in Toronto to-do list" over lunch.

First order of business: hit up Walmart. I had noticed a sign for a Walmart as I whizzed by en route to the course training centre, it was less than five minutes away, which was good because I only had an hour off. And these people are STRICT about tardiness (something I'm notorious for, of course).

So as I pulled up, I noticed they had adopted a new sign - the new "softer" side of Walmart. And there were tons of people outside enjoying a charity BBQ. But then I noticed the sign had fine print, specifying that this was not just a Walmart store, it was a Walmart Home Office store.

So I was a little disappointed, but no biggie. I decided I would pick up a new notebook for work, and browse. I heart office-supply stores.

I walked in, and immediately noticed the funny layout, saw a Tim Horton's in to the left, and assumed it was the same idea as the "McDonald's in a Walmart" scheme. I head towards the internal bank of doors, and notice one that was designated specifically for VISITORS.

How nice, I think, for them to have a special door for non-Torontoians. Maybe they have nice greeters there or something.

So I head through the door and come up short. Aka do a faceplant into the door. I step back, look up at the visitor sign, and give it a more tentative push. Hm. The doors appear to be locked. So much for welcoming.

So I gradually come out of my Jackie-centric daze to notice I'm standing beside a security desk.

I turn to him, and give him a trademark winning smile:

JS: Um, where am I?
SG: Walmart
JS: Yah, okay, I get that.
SG: Are you a visitor?
JS: Um, yes, I would like to visit.
SG: Are you here to see someone?
JS: Um, no.
SG: Are you a vendor?
JS: NO. I just saw the sign and came in. I want to visit the store.
SG: Oh! You think this is Walmart??
JS: uuuuhmmm YAH, that's what it says on the sign.
SG: Yes. This is head office. The Walmart head office for Canada.
*cricket, cricket*

Yah, so it turns out I tried to break into the Walmart Canadian Headquarters. And wasn't successful.

Embarassing.

But I did learn four things from my misadventures:
Walmart is sneaky
Walmart Home Office does NOT sell "home office" supplies
Walmart is is safe from the World's Dumbest Criminals
The REAL Walmart is in the opposite direction.

9 comments:

Meandering Michael May 6, 2009 at 9:57 AM  

BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!

Matthew and Michele May 6, 2009 at 10:52 AM  

LOL. :o)

Matt, Kara, Hunter and Cavan May 6, 2009 at 11:11 AM  

oh my gosh- that is so funny!!

indigo May 6, 2009 at 5:22 PM  

Who knew??

Anonymous May 6, 2009 at 7:45 PM  

Maybe no snow and the Sun was to much for You....

Just kidding LoL

Shanlee May 7, 2009 at 4:35 PM  

I like the *cricket, cricket* - must have been a total ANTM moment!

Fawn May 19, 2009 at 9:57 PM  

Ahahahahah, Jackie! You crack me up!

Jennith June 2, 2009 at 10:40 PM  

Oh.. don't be embarrassed... you just made me laugh my guts out... its a wonderful story... I do hope you made it to the real Walmart...

Jackie S. Quire June 3, 2009 at 6:49 AM  

:) Laugh away, everyone. It's classic "jackie" moment, and its there for your enjoyment :O)

And yes, Jennith, I did make it to the REAL walmart after all, haha.