You gotta have faith...

So today was my first day back. And it's been a bit of a rough ride so far. I guess I have some people in town doubting I want to be here. To be a part of this community, this job, this life.

And that's really hard.

I wish I was strong enough to just brush that off and "not care what other people think" ... but that's not the way I am. It never has been my way.

And as I write that my stupid eyes well up with tears. God I'm a sensi. I can't help it.

Just because I like to be alone sometimes, just because I'd rather read a book at the airport than talk with people I barely know... doesn't mean I don't want to be here. It doesn't mean I don't know anyone, it doesn't mean I can't or don't fit in.

I don't like being doubted. I don't like being scrutinized because I'm "too young" or "too immature". I took this challenge, and accepted it whole-heartedly. I want people to believe in me. I want them to realize I'm worth having here.

I'm here. I'm not leaving next week, next month, or even next year. I've said I'd be here for at least 2 years, and I have every intent of doing just that.

I just wish people would see me as an asset. Whose naivety can work for her, because it makes her curious. Whose sitting quietly at the airport is actually silent observation. Whose slow and steady march to make contacts in this town, in this region, in this territory... will pay out in the end. Because the tortoise always wins. Right?


Another Twentysomething April 10, 2008 at 2:25 PM  

Jackie, don't LET them get to you. Remember, you'll never have any control over what they think of you, only how you take it. Take it in stride and rely on yourself, your own motivations and commitment to doing well. Cuz at the end of the day what matters most is how well you think you've dne, not how well Joe Rankin Inlet thinks right?
People like to bitch. Its natural. You're a good journalist and you know it and you're doing their community a service regardless of what they think right now.

Rob, Tina and the boys April 10, 2008 at 3:21 PM  

Very well put. People are so quick to judge and will gossip over anything. You keep strong. They will soon find someone else to bitch about.

Megan April 10, 2008 at 4:14 PM  

I've been there. It sucks.

All you can do is stick with it and keep being yourself. After a while you will earn their respect. It really will come.

Anonymous April 10, 2008 at 4:19 PM  

Hi Jackie :
Don't ;et anyone shatter your dreams or commitment..people can be very harsh & its usually because they are jealous of someones success....it sometimes take time, but the bullies usually end up been the ones who fall flat on their face...
Talk again soon....
Love ,

Kate Nova April 10, 2008 at 5:49 PM  

That sucks. It's tough. I feel for ya.

Way Way Up April 10, 2008 at 6:26 PM  

I know what you mean. I think pretty much everybody runs into this unpleasantness eventually no matter how long you've spent up here. I've run into this same issue myself this year - even after I was the only returning southerner on staff from the previous school year. Unfortunately, there are people in the world that I swear are only happy when they have something to complaing about and if there isn't, they invent stuff to complain about.

Keep your head up. Its obvious from reading your blog and hearing you on the news that you take a great deal of pride in your work. That's pretty awesome. (There's a good reason why I've never been on radio or tv.) Keep up the good work!

Jackie S April 11, 2008 at 11:52 AM  

Hey all:

Thanks for your kind words.

It's nice to know that there are folks out there... some I know personally, some who are family, and some who "only" exist in my online world... who DO have faith in me, for whatever reason.

And I appreciate that.

So thanks. :D Your messages certainly brightened my day.

Matt, Kara and Hunter April 11, 2008 at 9:14 PM  

I agree with everyone else! Keep your head up! hehehe any maybe if you keep your head up you won't hurt yourself so often!