12/2/08

Unravelling...

I don't know why, but I have this insatiable urge to do something wild, crazy... even irrational.
I just want to pick up and go.

Where? When? How? I don't know. I don't care. I just want to go.

Part of me wants to go far away. To escape.
Another part wants to go somewhere very familiar. To be home.
And yet another part wants to go somewhere that ISN'T home, but ISN'T completely foreign. Some place comfortable.

So what's keeping me? Ummm. The fact that I have to bring home the bacon. Or is it bread? Bring home the bacon, put bread on the table.

Oh mixing metaphors. So much fun.

But really? This whole "working for a living" is pretty dumb. You work away so much of your life, and why? Besides paying non-fun things like bills... the point is so that you have the means to do the things you like... Right?

At least that's the way thing were when we were kids. Want something? Get a job. Earn some cash from that paper route, buy that doo-dad. Rinse. Repeat.

So if we carry that logic over... we work so we can do the things we DO want. But WHEN? When when when?

Maybe I just have it all wrong. We don't work so we can do what we WANT. We work so we can LIVE.

Maybe I'm just lazy.

Maybe I lack "drive"

Maybe I'm just in a slump.

And before you go blaming it on the weather... no. It's not the weather. It's got nothing to do with this town, it has nothing to do with the arctic. It's just... I feel restless. And listless. How can you feel both restless and listless at the same time? I have no idea. But it's happened.

Maybe it's a natural part of the Jackie-cycle...

"I want, I want, I want..."

Gawd I'm such a whiner. I'm annoying MYSELF. Why do you guys come here to read / listen to me whine?

So I'm feeling restless. I'm feeling listless. I'm feeling stir crazy. I'm feeling like I need to get out of town for a bit. And I have the money to do it too... but I just don't have the TIME. I am saving up my vacation days for a trip "out and over" (aka home) in May. And the way I have it worked out is perfect ... I think.

So I can't really leave. Not really. Even though I could use it, need it, not to mention want it etc. So I guess I'll just dream of it for now. But six months does seem like an awful long time to wait. And dream.





Okay. I'm done bitching. This might have to be nominated for "most incoherent post ever" but then, I did kind of warn you with the title.

5 comments:

Meandering Michael December 2, 2008 at 3:09 PM  

I can so identify.

Mongoose December 2, 2008 at 3:12 PM  

"Welcome to the Real World."

Someone said once that we have to choose in life between making money and spending it. I've found that to be very true. And there is a reason, too, that we call it "working for a living" and not working for luxuries or something like that. We work because we have bills to pay. Getting what we want is not really what life is all about, let alone work.

But if it's any consolation, you're not alone. It seems like every young person whose blog I read is on about the same thing to one degree or another: "I work, why don't I have lots of money and why do I have to spend it on bills?"

That's just life. Welcome to the real world. :)

Megan December 2, 2008 at 7:52 PM  

Come to Yellowknife! It would be an escape, yet familiar. And you'd still be able to make money.

It's the perfect plan!

Robyn December 2, 2008 at 8:32 PM  

Pssst... come to North Carolina. It's warm(ish), and I'm here :)

Just sayin'.

PS: my dear, it sounds like you have ennuie. Don't worry, it's usually temporary... a good dose of Gilmore Girls will generally clear it up :)

Robyn December 2, 2008 at 8:34 PM  

and ps: your verification word is "andra"

It's like it knows your love of mis-spelling Andera's name :)

(and that has been another episode of "Name That Verification Word!". Tune in next time...)