I know I've said this before, but seriously. I'm going to develop a SERIOUS GRUDGE if certain-unnamed-organizations don't stop sending me press releases with less than an hour left in the day.
I was ahead of the game today, folks. I had my interview done, stories written ready to be edited and recorded BEFORE NOON. I played with it a bit, made it sound extra-nice...
And yet here I am, at work, after 5 all the same.
Grrrrrr.
It's a good thing it's an important story.
I learned something big about myself in Mexico.
And I'm sure it will come as no big surprise to you... or to my parents... but one of my greatest fears and challenges is not being in control. Of my life. Of the current situation... even of others.
You may remember I went on a bit of an adventure tour. One that took me zip lining, donkey riding and rappelling down waterfalls. It was great. And it challenged me like no other exercise I've ever done. Not due to a fear of heights, or a fear of falling, which I've always said I had. But for the first time in my life, I really had to put my life in someone else's hands.
The three hardest activities for me to do that day were: donkey riding, a short and fast zipline and rappelling down the face of a waterfall. The moment I swung my leg over that burro, I started to panic. My hands got sweaty, my pulse rapid. I understood what I had to do, how to get the brute of an animal to obey me... but I really wasn't in control. If he wanted to, he could barrel off in any direction. One wrong step, and we could careen down the mountain side, ass over teakettle (ha ha). It was all I could do not to jump off and walk my way. So I took a couple deep calming breaths. And I got through it.
But the worst, the absolute worst, was when we were rappelling down that damn waterfall. I have never, ever in my life rappelled anything. And we got – literally – a crash course minutes before going down for the first time. Of course they were trained. Of course they knew what they were doing, but in my silly little brain, it was the most terrifying thing ever. The rock face was slippery, and my sneakers were wet too, and I couldn't get hold. The only thing keeping me from sliding down at breakneck speed was my piddly right hand, that was supposed to gradually inch me down the steep vertical drop... and a guy at the bottom of the descent, holding the other end of the rope. As I slid, he coaxed, and reassured that he had some sort of mechanism that would keep me from dropping too far too fast.
It was terrifying. But it took me out of my comfort zone, which is what I wanted to do. And it taught me something about myself. That the Matrix "control freak" t-shirt I won back when I was playing high school softball was pretty accurate. Maybe a bit too much so.
So that's my biggest, most insurmountable fear. Lack of control. Or at least, feeling out of control. And Clare's comment on my last post was spot on. Not knowing and having no control over what is happening in my professional life is terrifying.
But I guess the only choice I have is to do the same thing as I did rappelling that waterfall ... or teetering on a foot-wide ledge in the Sierra Madre. It seems the only way I'm going to get through it is to take a couple deep breaths, and trust that person on the other end of the rope.
And hope to god they know what they're doing. Wish me luck.
My coworker is playing his garbage can like an Inuit drum, in rhythm to a song on the radio.
Sometimes this place really does make me smile.
But I'm sure every little bit helps...
http://www.avaaz.org/en/save_the_cbc/97.php?cl_tta_sign=d818ab0265104b41ff3f683733755910
Dear HP laptop:
I have to admit, I have grown fond of you. I took our relationship for granted all those months when things were good. We got along fine, we had some good times. I know. I remember them.
But then, I began to neglect you. You got dingy. You got dirty. And I wanted to spice up our relationship a bit. Give you a makeover, of sorts. I hear you clean up nice.
So I set to work. I used a q-tip to get between the fine crevices of your keyboard. I polished your screen till it shone like new. But try as I might, I couldn't rid you of that niggly little white hair (are you getting old laptop? I'm so sorry to hear that. I'll still love you when you're grey) underneath your space bar. You know, where the sun don't shine.
I was determined. Perhaps too much so, it seems. And my makeover vigor turned sour when my Extreme Dusting left you maimed. I didn't mean to snap off your space bar. It was an accident. Don't you believe me?
And I tried to make things better between us. I consulted experts who I hoped might take you in for counselling/repair. But they rejected you. I'm sorry for that. I took you to Mexico so you might enjoy the sunshine. But my efforts were in vain. You were broken. We, laptop. We were broken.
I had lost all hope. I really had. I thought our bond was irreparably broken.
Until now.
Because lo and behold, here you are again, safe in my arms. Keys intact. Screen glossy. Mousepad shiny. How glad I am to have you back on my knee. Keeping me warm in the cold northern evenings. Whispering sweet whirrings to me as you lay beside me at night.
How I've missed you, laptop. And I'm forever glad you've come back to me.
And I promise, next time you need a little “freshing up” I'll buy a container of compressed air. I can't bear to be apart again.
Love always,
Jackie
I've been making a bit of an effort lately to spend less time online, and more time.... well, being a normal pre-web 2.0 human being.
When it comes down to it, I sit, staring at a computer for 7 hours a day anyways. What in the world else is there for me to accomplish online at home that I've not done at work all day. Really.
It just hit me a couple weeks ago. I don't really have any passtimes. I don't have hobbies. I have a little web site that a couple people read once in awhile. So there I was. Not really by any choice of my own, laptop-less (or laptop-free?) and without a major distraction.
So I read. I played with puppy. And I watched television. Probably more than my share of reality-tv television. Not because I'm this big reality-tv aficionado... rather because I don't like joining television programs in the middle of a season or a series.
But that's now opened me up to a whole new world of terrible TV.
Survivor installment 8-million? You bet.
America's/Canada's/Neptune's Next Top Model? I know them BY NAME.
Shit, I've even dipped into the world of obscurity here. I watch shows you've not even heard of (and in some cases - - like RuPaul's DRAG RACE - - had serious hallucinogenic delusions about).
The girls of Hedley Hall?
Blush?
Survivorman?
Mantracker?
I've watched all these and many many more.
I'm not really super proud of this grocery-list of bizarre, random television exploits. But I do have to say, the roster I've created here is probably the most bi-polar list of shows ever.
And to think it's all because of an absent laptop, haha.
I can imagine many of you are wondering what happened to the blog this week.
In reality, nothing happened to the blog. And really, nothing happened to me. I'm still here, I'm still alive, I'm just a little more... delicate than usual.
The murder has something to do about it, but I'm not sure how much.
The uncertainty with The Employer is definitely a factor.
I've been run off my feet in my personal and professional life...
And at a general at a loss for what to do.
First, the murder, and the post found below. The timing of the blog lockdown and my writing of that post was not coincidental. And I'm not going to delete any of the comments, because they are totally valid. But I will say this. I was very very very careful and very very very timid about writing that post. I spent most of Monday evening crafting it.
Because admittedly, I don't belong here. I don't understand all the dynamics of Northern living. I didn't write it to offend anyone, I wrote it to air some of my confusions ... and some of the theories others have on the topic. I reiterate: I don't know everything about this place. I learn more about it ever day. But there are some fundamental differences here vs. southern Canada, some I struggle with, and others I think people might find interesting.
After I got a couple comments on it, I shut the site down. Why? Because I was run-off-my-ass-busy. Because I was insecure in what I wrote. Because I felt like I had offended my readers-at-large and didn't want anyone to be exposed to my words. Maybe it was an irrational, emotional decision. But so be it. I needed some breathing space.
Second... and maybe more importantly... this is also a very scary time for me, professionally. I have said time and time again that I'm interested in leaving in the next year. I started saying that in the fall. It's now the spring. And now I am faced with a predicament.
While I wanted to move on... I wanted to do it on my own terms. I wasn't going to go an inch without a job on the other side. And I wanted very very very much to stay with the corp. I really did. Or do. But the world has changed, it seems.
It seems now I'll either have to leave on someone else terms... or stay "against my will". And I'm not sure which is worse. I don't want to be orphaned but I don't want to be confined to this one place. Some other day I'll write the "no I don't hate Rankin Inlet" post, but today is not that day.
Yes I have other options. No I have not explored them all yet. Yes there is time to do so. No I don't know what I'm going to do.
We don't even know how many jobs will be eliminated in Nunavut... we only have a vague idea of how many have to go in the North overall. I have no clue what will happen to this station beyond it staying open. That we have been promised.
And so I think most people in my will-we-won't-we situation would be a little... on edge. And I hesitate to infect you all with my poison thoughts, because that's no fun for anyone.
Frankly though, I'm just scared that if I'm here much longer than I planned I'll end up a very very very sour and bitter woman. A woman who DOES hate where she lives, who DOES hate her job, her colleagues, the politics of it all and so on. And I'm not that person right now, but I have met those people. And I don't want to be one of them.
But I do feel helpless and alone right now. And it sucks.
Welcome back.
As I'm sure some of you know by now... we had a bit of a tragedy in town over the weekend. And a first for me as a resident.
There was a murder in Rankin Inlet on Saturday. The woman who was killed was in her sixties. The man they have in custody was a relative of hers.
The police named the man as a son. But this is Nunavut, and family dynamics are far more complex than that.
It's not the first time I've come up against this. Personally and professionally. You really need to be careful how bitchy you are about people in this place. You never know who you are talking with is related to – either directly or indirectly.
I had a conversation with a woman today who has this theory that one cause of the “social problems” in the north is the way kids are adopted in and out with such fluidity.
I don't know if there's any truth to her theory. But I can say that the way kids are conceived and adopted and raised is very different from the way I was brought up.
If you think kids are having kids too early in the south, check out the average age in Nunavut. I think it was something like 24. Yes. Average age. Mid-twenties. And part of why that's the case I'D SAY is because when they have kids, they know they have their family (immediate AND extended) to lean on when things get tough. It's not so scary, having a kid, when your parents are going to raise it for you.
So you end up with all these very very non-nuclear family units. And I'm not saying that's a bad thing. Because I'm very sure that there are people out there who really and truly benefit from the whole “it takes a village to raise a child” scenario.
But then, there are others ... who end up passed around the extended family, never really knowing who their support is supposed to come from.
Don't get me wrong. I know nothing about the family situation in the situation I mentioned above. I have heard rumours, but I've tried not to give them any mind. But I have to admit, my brain is spinning a bit with the day's events... and it's scary to think a woman was killed just across town. This place isn't very big.
I have to say though, I'm surprised about the local reaction. The people I've been around don't seem all that shook up about the whole event. Shit, if there had of been a homicide in Cornwall... you'd hear people all worried for their personal safety, children would be put on tighter leashes... general over-reactions for all. But then, I guess maybe most homicides down south are random acts of violence. I don't have the stats to back this up, and maybe I'm just making this up for my own benefit, but I feel like family-violence deaths are the rarity, not the norm, back home. And that the reason why people are taking this whole thing in stride is because – god forbid – they are just USED to it.
And that's a scary thought.
IMHO.
I've been at a bit of a loss for words lately. I know I go through these silent-spells from time to time, but this one seems to be lasting longer than usual.
Maybe some of it is being busy. The wildlife symposium was in town last week. So I was there most of the day, every day, all week.
Of course there's also been work drama going on (this time not involving me, thank god) which has made this place like some sort of parallel-universe station lately. I think we may all be going a bit loony with the talks of job losses etc. But I suppose that's par for the course.
I took the pup out with me to friends' cabin over the weekend. I was trying to remember when was the last time I got out there... and I think it might have been November. It was nice to just get out of town. I think that's something I will have to remember when life gets irritating in my future-life. When you get antsy, just go for a drive. A drive and a relax, somewhere nice and quiet.
Just don't do it when it's -40.
But the pup loved it. It's amazing how much he's grown up/mellowed out in the past 8 months. Granted, he was still running around outside like his life depended on it... but once inside, he just puttered around like the good little dude that he is.
Now of course I'm freaking out though because since we got home his left eye has been bothering him. He blinks it at least 2-3 times as much as he blinks his right eye... and it looks a bit swollen... aka his left eye looks smaller than his right. Now I'm paranoid because maybe he got some sort of arctic-hare disease when he was out rolling around on the tundra. The whole idea of having a sick pet is just really scary up here. We don't have a vet. Ever. We have a guy who has a bunch of dogs who sometimes gives pets rabies shots. But that's it.
I think he's probably okay. He's got some goopy-ness going on, which my expert medical training tells me means he's got some sort of irritant in there and his eye is trying to expell it so he can go back to normal... but seriously, if his eye swells shut any more I'm putting him on the Skidoo and taking him to Page and John. They'll be able to tell me what to do.
You can say Inuit Qaujimajatuqangit without pausing.
Seriously.
I can pronounce a lot of last names and random Inuktitut words... but that one's just impossible.
I've been finding it increasingly difficult to focus as of late.
Probably because my efforts to be zen about how various economic stability issues right now are being thwarted at every pass.
When the first "getting through tough times" letter came around months ago, I vowed I wouldn't be one of those people who freak out about what COULD happen. I'd focus instead at the task at hand, and take everything in stride.
What else could I do, really.
But then ... well I was thrown off guard yesterday. And I blame Megan. While I was pleased to hear her chipper little voice on the other end of the phone line... I was NOT excited to hear the reason for her call.
A friend had heard the hosts in Victoria, BC joking about dusting off their resumes, because job cuts were on the way.
And, the Winnipeg Sun ran this story
My favourite part:
In a wide-ranging interview with Sun Media, Heritage Minister James Moore also said CBC layoffs were nearly certain and expected 600 to 1,200 people across the country would lose their jobs.*Gulp.
No further details were available about the size of the cutbacks, although the public broadcaster said it would make an announcement to staff by the end of the month.End of the month.
It's not often these days that I get a chance to touch the velvety fine material of newsprint.
Real newsprint.
Daily paper newsprint.
The exception being when my Dad sends clippings from the dailies down south and sends them my way.
But then it's not fresh. The paper gets brittle with age, you see. The ink dries. And that ink saturation's what makes the paper so smooth, so delicious.
ANYWAYS.
So I been browsing some of the southern dailies since I've arrived. And this caught my eye.
And really. What a sweet deal. I'm going to work that if/when the CBC gets their bridging funding.
I think it's just genius to use bailout money to reward executives for a job well done. It's not every year you have to go to the White House for extra cash. It's not every decade you lose 61 billion in ONE QUARTER. It's obviously time to celebrate! Cash bonuses for all! In fact, now that you have 170 billion in strings-free money... you might as well just start burning it!
Horray! Cash bonfires! You know they burn a lot brighter and warmer than regular bonfires. It's true. Try it if you don't believe me! In fact we'll all start heating our houses with dollar bills in a couple months, because it'll be cheaper than all other home heating alternatives (except, maybe, my parents' new pellet stove).
In other news, I'm really disappointed to read this. The idea of commercials on CBC Radio gives me a really bad taste in my mouth. I'm not exactly sure why. Maybe it's a fear of change, maybe it's because we were always warned about the dangers of advert-contamination and its affect on fair and balanced reporting.
But really, we've had ads on TV, on the CBC.ca website for some time now. The world's not come to an end. Papers have almost ALWAYS run ads. They are still capable of quality reporting.
So when you think about it, CBC radio is actually an anomaly.
But still. I don't really like it.
But maybe that's just me.
A nice place to walk around (especially when it is only -14)
A city with some pretty decent restaurants... for it's size
Really frustrating when you can hear the woman in the room next to you snore the night away
Fun because you (if you are me) get to meet up with people / friends you've not seen in a year (or more)
Full of endless wireless internet opportunities... even though there's no free wireless at the highrise anymore
Got the best value per dollar taxi cab ride in Canada. Six bucks from Apex? Ok!
A not bad place to spend the weekend... Especially when you get a per diem.
AND I swear to god if this woman snores all night again I'm going to ask for a new room tomorrow. Sweet mother of god ...
I will be in town and available for bevvy partaking, food eating (or snowman making) from Friday, March 13th to Monday March 16th.
I have been told I will be available outside of the times below:
March 13 – 7:00 PM to 9:00 PM
March 14 – 9:00 AM to 11:45 PM & 1:15 PM to 4:45 PM
March 15 -- 10:30 AM to 1:30 PM
I came home yesterday evening to find the following message on my machine.
Hello? Hellooooooo?Um Hi. This is Abdulah from Winnipeg. I am calling you in the name of the Bible. Maybe this isn't a good time. I will call you back later in the evening. Bye.
An onslaught of foul moods has kept me from posting lately.
Sure I could write about EAs who set up stupid barriers for no reason... or how annoying yesterday's hamlet council meeting was (I wish I was joking, but seriously, we had one member spend 20 minutes or so debating why we have to have 3 READINGS OF A BYLAW. Because you know, we're the only ones that do it that way. And it's just for fun. Not law or anything).... or that I have to stay at the office for lunch, and I don't have any food... But I won't*.
Really, it's just in your own best interest. You don't REALLY want me to bitch an moan for no apparent reason. Because try as I might, I can't actually dig down to root of why I'm so pissy this past week. Maybe it's time I get out of town... OH WAIT I AM!
That's right, here's a little reminder that I will be in IQALUIT THIS WEEKEND and I'm more-than-excited. Sometimes I just need to get out of my house and just BE somewhere else for a change, and this is my chance.
I am even making a mental grocery-list of things I want to do when I'm there. Topping the list are...
Mmmm.
I swear, menthol is the best thing since ... well I would say sliced bread, but I'm anti-bread these days, remember? So the greatest thing since... um... Lay's Salt and Vinegar Chips. Yes. That makes sense.
I spent every spare moment I had the past 2 days doing this fun little shoulder-stretchy things, because I was sooooo stiff in my upper back.
SO I had been looking for this little jar of icycold stuff I have... or my "heavy legs" lotion my nanny gave me (I would take offense, but it's Yves Rocher and just penetrates your skin with tingliness and feels great on stiff or sore muscles). Finding neither, I resorted to the "beached whale on the lysol can" trick... which while embarrassing was moderately successful.
And then today I found the lotion... and now I'm seriously enjoying tinglies all over my upper back.
Man, having the morning off has really gotten to me. Or maybe it's the menthol fumes?
Jackie does not like to be told how to do her job by people who don't understand the dynamics of how these things work. She has good judgment, can be trusted and is a responsible human being. Back off. I don't tell you how to do your job. Grr.
Here's the tricky thing about blizzards:
Blizzards are driven by wind.
Wind is not static.
So while conditions may look "bad" one minute, they literally can change to "horrible" ... or even "clearing" the next.
Such is the problem I'm faced with every morning there is a blizzard warning for Rankin Inlet.
You see, the staff apartment I live in is actually on the EXACT OPPOSITE end of town from the CBC station. Why this is the case, I've not the foggiest idea. Also, Area Six generally gets the worst of the weather conditions in town, because we are on the far side of the bay. So while my co-workers (many of whom live just down the street from the station) go in to work, I end up at home for the day.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. But a lot of the time I end up second-guessing my phone call to Iqaluit. I'm really the only one who can make the call as to if I should walk to work or not. Today, for example, I was up at 6 to monitor the weather situation. It didn't look good. I couldn't see very far down the road, and the winds were pretty fierce when I let puppy outside to use the washroom.
So I called and said I'd re-evaluate at lunch.
And now I feel guilty because it sounds like the GN is heading to work, and I don't know if school has been cancelled or not. So I look like this giant slacker. Grr. Really, that's not the case. I have interviews lined up that I'm now going to have to reschedule. What a pain.
Oh wells. Hopefully they trust my judgement.
Within 24 hours I wrote my 500th entry AND had my 50,000th visitor.
Ever weird.
Dear people charged with issuing news releases.
If it is a GOOD news story, and you are making an ANNOUNCEMENT, it makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE to do it at 3pm or later. I can understand if you are trying to bury a bad-news story. Sure, go ahead and send it out at 4:59pm on a Friday. I don't care. Yes it's shady, but at least it's NORMAL.
But if you are announcing, oh, I don't know, new flights to a community... I'd highly advise doing so in the morning, or at least BEFORE lunch so reporters can have the time to put the story together for next day's news. Otherwise it's going to have to wait another day.
Seriously. This is the last time "name of airline withheld." I have a headache and I blame you.
You have 48 hours (they always finish these things with an ultimatum)
Sincerely, Jackie S. Quire.
PS, for some strange reason my feet smell. My feet never smell. Go figure.
Some times, sometimes you have to just stop, you know? Just. Stop.
Yes, it's Nunavut. Yes there's a limited degree of "hustle and bustle" here to begin with. But it's amazing how hard it is to forget everything else and just stop for a bit. Just for a little while. Just stop.
I left work this evening just before 11PM. I was tired. I was droopy-eyed, I was ready for bed. I went outside to start the work truck, visions of sugarplums just moments from dancing above my head ... only to discover the truck wouldn't start. Battery's dead.
I considered my options. 1.) Go to the Red Top, buy some spark plugs, install them in my skidoo and drive home. 2.) Go to the Red Top, get cash back and call a cab (hoping they'd still be running). 3.) Walk the 20 minutes home.
For some reason, maybe just wanting to be done with the day, I decided to take the shortest (though by no means quickest) route. And I walked.
It was a coldish night. Sitting still at -30. And I hit the trail at a good pace, my warm breath making icicles out of my eyelashes and fur-trimmed hood. Without my iPod to distract me I was left with only my own thoughts for company. And before I knew it, I was just steps away from home. As I made the final approach, I unzipped my jacket just past my chin and flipped my hood back, shaking my hair loose.
I made a little turn before I climbed the stairs, and a wisp of smoke caught my eye. I followed it with my eyes, and then my whole head, cranked up towards the night sky. That wisp of smoke joined its friends in the most spectacular show of Northern Lights I've ever seen in Rankin.
It was like the northern lights were their own dynamic constellation. Or maybe a galaxy of sorts. As I watched, the little beams swirled around themselves; some times forming little milky ways, and other, delicate strands of green light. Before my eyes, one of the little green hurricanes of light wound itself so tight, pale shades of pink began to shine through. The pink began to escape from the eye of the storm, marching down, fading out into green, and finally dissapating to dark night sky.
I ran into the house to grab my camera my tripod, my puppy and out we went. I got my first photos of the Aurora, thanks to Mini Spy Cam. We spent the next half hour freezing and photographing. Though puppy doesn't have opposable thumbs, so he mostly did the freezing part.
As always, these photos haven't been altered in any way from how I took them. Just compressed so they'd upload easier to Blogger.Dear Akulliq:
Please please please let this be your final by-election. For the sanity of all those involved, including the media and Elections Nunavut, please just make a decision. Okay? Okay. Thanks.
I'm working a late shift again tonite. Which suits me just fine, as I think I've said before. I kind of enjoy having the office to myself. I've got all the phone-intercoms OFF (I heart CBC but sometimes the 8/5 of the intercom phones just wears thin on me) and I hijacked my co-worker's CD player and am currently working my way through some of the music that's in our library. There's not much there, but I managed to pilfer some "new releases" about six months ago, so at least I'm not stuck with Dance Mix 93 - which while hilarious... isn't really what I'm in the mood for.
So far I've made it through...
Death Cab for Cutie: Narrow Stairs (three times!!!)
The Fugitives: In Streetlight Communion
Ben Sures: Field Guide to Loneliness
I wasn't a big fan of Streetlight Communion. But I've been pleasantly surprised by Field Guide to Loneliness. It's a little more folksie than my usual taste, but I could get into it.
But I'm more than frustrated that I somehow managed to forget my book at home. I've been picking away at Outlander by Diane Gabaldon since I left for Coral Harbour. I actually spent all of Saturday curled up in my basket chair, coffee in hand, puppy in lap, reading. It was glorious. It's been so long since I've done that.
I have to admit, it took me awhile to get into... but I think I'll continue on with the series. I'd heard of the series years ago. One of the condiments, Robyn, was all over them. A friend I lived with in France was also hooked. But it wasn't until I was in the UK with my Nanny and sister last August that I picked it up.
And the really interesting part (I think) is that a good part of what I like about the book is that I've BEEN there. I've driven through the Highlands. I've BEEN to Stonehenge. And it's pretty darn cool to read about a place that is so very far and foreign and have memories of times there. Granted the book largely takes place in the 1700s or something like that... so its not like I've been there in that TIME but still kind of neat to have that reference point.
Oh, and I think I have a crush on the lead male character. But then I think most chicks who read the series end up with a little thing for Jamie. :D
So I'm here without a book to read, my websites are exhausted (dudes, get to blogging more, I've read all your posts already and still need more to do!) and I even filed my taxes. Yes. I'm so bored I filed my taxes just to have something to do.
On that note, I don't know what y'all use to do your taxes, but I used Quicktax... and I was pretty impressed how little time it took, and how straighforward it was. And this is coming from a girl whose mom did her taxes up until last year. Granted there were a couple "ummm what does this mean" phone calls ... but for 15 bucks... totally worth it. And now I should have a nice little cheque making its way to me in the next couple weeks. I take back all the nasty things I've said about the CRA (actually I think the only nasty thing I said was that I thought it was dumb they didn't just take the right amount of taxes off in the first place, instead of all this paperwork). Netfile rocks. And so does Quicktax.
Now where's that endorsement money?
