11/6/08

Jackie S. Quire and the case of the saggy bottoms

I have no ass.

This - for those who know me - is not just a fact of life, but a reoccurring theme that pervades just about everything I do.

From the moment I wake up in the morning (and pull up my PJ pants, because they've migrated down towards the bottom of the bed) to the time I lay down at night (with one final pants-tug before getting horizontal) my lack of dairy-air (I'm so witty) nags at me non-stop.

I get up from my desk to get a cup of coffee... doing the squat-and-tug just two feet from my chair.
I go to the post office to check my mail: I yank once I get to the top of the 7-steps at the entrance, and then once again after I bend down to open the box on the very bottom row.

You see, having no ass doesn't just mean I don't get to participate in booty-shakes... or sing along enthusiastically to Sir Mix Alot... it means my pants JUST DON'T STAY UP.

The only way to get my pants to stay up would be if they were bib-style like my snowpants. Or a really strong pair of suspenders might help... but would totally cramp my style (all the style I have in the Great White North). Many have suggested one of those leather strap-things...that go around your middle... oh yah, Belt. That's what's it's called. Belt.

Well Belt doesn't work. It just adds more weight to the pants... and being as we live on a gravity-abundant planet, that means they scooch their way down my body even FASTER than without.

So for all of you out there, who think a little bit of butt crack is DISGUSTING (which, it is...) maybe you'll now take pause. Because maybe that poor soul WANTS to keep his/her pants up AND CAN'T, and is equally frustrated with their public display of crackage.

That is all.



6 comments:

Robyn November 6, 2008 at 12:52 PM  

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This post just made my day. Although I'm pretty sure the other ppl in the "quiet zone" in the library didn't enjoy my appreciation of it....

PS: Love the new layout :)
PPS: word verification is "crood", much like your discussion of your ass (or lack there of :P )

Rob, Tina and the boys November 6, 2008 at 5:20 PM  

I would be more than willing to share some of mine with you. And I love the dairy-air. I nearly spit my fruit cup reading that. And I also like the new layout, although the text is a bit small for me. Or maybe I'm just getting old. :)

Anonymous November 6, 2008 at 5:31 PM  

This is funny; I prefer this design as the wordy one ended up saying"I hate work" "I hate Rankin"

Dids you lose your counter?

Mom

Jackie S. Quire November 6, 2008 at 6:45 PM  

Tina: Oh no! I had no idea my uncontrollable wit could cause fruit cup disasters! I'll have to watch myself next time.

And if anyone responds to my "PLEASE HELP ME" request I'll ask if there's an easy way to up the font size, even just one point or so.

Mom: Yah, the counter is lost for now... but it will be back. I just have a couple alterations I have to do, and then I'll repost it.

I actually didn't know that the wordle one read like that ... oops!

Megan November 6, 2008 at 9:35 PM  

Whoa! It's all different over here!

I like it.

Dooner November 8, 2008 at 9:52 AM  

Overalls are hot. Maybe with some flannel shirts. Possibly a tractor.