An unusual post...
So while I write about a lot of things on my blog, one thing I never really get into is relationships. I'm not a big fan of publicly dissecting what's going on in my romantic (or un-romantic) life, as the case may be. It's just ... that's what I consider the "private" part of my "private life."
And while this is hardly a start of me talking about my love life... this post is kind falls under that label.
Anyways, I was having a discussion with some friends about the following two points, and I was curious what you people - in all your various commitments and relationships - think?
- Do you think when people get married they are actually as gloriously happy as they seem in books and movies and in your dreams? Or are doubts and glitches and all that stuff that is a part of "other" relationships is actually a part of "every" one?
- Do you think there ever becomes a point where there is just too much history between two people, that the relationship has no choice but to die?
8 comments:
If you asked me when I first got married if I thought life would all be roses and sunshine when you got married, I would tell you "hell no". As much of a cliche as it is, marriage is something that needs a lot of work. Rob and I have been married 10 years, and honestly the last 5 years were much better than the first 5. It takes a while (at least it did for us) to fall into a great rhythm where were fully enjoy and love being married and can't imagine any other way.
I agree with Tina, it's hard work. It's not all fairy tale like the books and stories, and that wonderful heart fluttering feeling you get when you first start dating goes away. Most people break up at that point because they think the spark has died. But really it's replaced with a much stronger more meaningful sensations; love, trust, friendship. It should be based on a strong ground, so someone you can really get along with well is a good idea, but that doesn't mean you don't disagree or fight.
If you really find someone that works well with you, there is no such thing as too much history, it will just make you stronger as a couple.
See? This is why I put these questions on my blog. Our discussions were much different - - but then none of us talking about it were/are/have ever been married. We just speculate about others.
Thanks Tina and Jen for the beautiful comments.
1. no
2. yes
It's more work than perhaps you realize going in. I remember being baffled early on over disagreements that I considered to be over minor things...not worth fighting over and barely worth discussing. But you have to talk these things out because, you know, whose turn it is to do the dishes can be a big deal sometimes.
That's not a bad thing, just a reality. Anything worth having or doing isn't going to be easy. You have to change and so does your partner. Those changes are often, surprisingly, for the better. I'm a much better man now than I was 10 years ago. And you always have to keep talking.
I've always said my 30s (I met Cathy when I was 31) were much, much better than my 20s - most of which were spent single or trying to figure out women.
Still haven't completely figured them out, by the way. But I kind of figure my last words will be "Ooohhhh, now I understand."
(For the record, my last words will likely still be wrong).
True, these comments are a lot different than the ones from the people who know you... but the people who know you also know more about what you're going through and tailored their answers to your particular situation. In the end it still comes down to communication and respect... and the fact that we all want to see you happy. That's the important thing, right?
Hearts!
I stumbled on your blog as I'm researching "life in the north" for a possible move in my future. And this particular blog theme is the reason why.
Married at 22, been married for 23 years. And looking at moving north solo.
Married life gave me two wonderful children and experiences I would not have had on my own.
But it's almost like I've grown out of that. I'm craving time to explore mySelf and see who Ive become after all these years of relationship.
That's it. I haven't told significant other this plan yet. Probably part of the problem eh?
LM
Anonymous:
You might be interested in reading newnavut.blogspot.com. The writer is a young woman who within the past year moved to Iqaluit by herself after years of being in a committed relationship. I think she found she learned a lot about her self, which I'm sure you'll see if you read her blog.
But your situation is a perfect example of why this post came up in the first place.
Thanks for your comment, good luck, and if you do decide to move, start a blog. It's incredibly satisfying :)
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